State of Mind
by 2BlckBlt
Summary: A different take on the scene in House's apartment with House and Cameron in Merry Little Christmas
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, I didn't get them for Christmas, I was especially hoping for Chase, but oh well. So they still aren't mine. Too bad.

This is my take on the scene in House's apartment in Merry Little Christmas between House and Cameron. Enjoy!

Cameron wasn't surprised to see House looking like hell when she got to his apartment to check on him.

"House, you look like hell."

"Ever seen a person going through withdrawal before?"

"Yeah, I suppose I have. It is just different when it is someone you know."

"You don't know me. You work with me."

"Don't be an ass House."

"What do you expect? How long has it been since I have had anything for my pain?"

"Whatever. What happened to your arm?"

"I cut myself."

"Let me see."

"It's fine."

"At least let me clean it for you."

"Fine."

House took off his bandage and Cameron saw his arm.

"You did this to yourself! What the hell were you thinking?"

"Great bed side manor. Make the patient feel ashamed of themselves. Learn that in your psych rotation? Tell me, what hospital was that at?"

"It's just you of all people should know better, after the cutter we treated with bulimia who had the heart surgery. Remember her?"

"So what are you going to do? Kiss it and make it better?"

"Only in your dreams." Then very quietly Cameron mumbled, "And maybe in mine too."

"Oh? So you do dream about me? I always thought you might, seeing as you cast all those starry-eyed gazes my way. I was clearly fueling your fantasies, though I am not sure how. I don't smile at you or even give you nods of appreciation. I snark and bate you with my sarcasm."

"Does it appear to you that I care about that?"

"You're right. You don't. I am bandaged and broken, quite literally, a quality you seem to find attractive for some reason. How many men have you dated since our catastrophe of a date two years ago?"

"What does it matter?"

"It proves a point. You wanted me before, and now you want me even more because I am in a hellish state. You can't stay away from people in need. In need of companionship, in need of medical help, in need of love."

House whispered the last part, as if talking to himself. He obviously didn't mean for Cameron to hear, but she did.

"House, wanting love is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes you human."

"Really? All this time I thought it was my DNA."

"House…"

"What?"

"Can you be serious for just a minute?"

"About emotions? I doubt it. This is who I am."

"Very true. You will always be you."

"And for some reason you love me despite it."

"Yeah."

_Shit! I just admitted to loving him! There is enough material for embarrassment for oh how long? The rest of my fellowship?_

_She loves me. Normally I'd use that knowledge to my advantage but I am so messed up that I can't think of any decent smart-ass comments._

"You love me?" House was looking more and more peaked and was clearly not thinking straight.

"As if you didn't already know. You came into the lab one day and told me that I like you, so you obviously knew something!"

"Yeah, I suppose I did."

By this point House was having the dry heaves and couldn't keep anything straight in his mind.

"You really are in bad shape. Let's get you to bed."

"Yes mother."

"Don't argue with me House. You know it is for the best. I'll be here when you

wake-up."

Cameron got House to bed and settled down to watch some television while he slept.


	2. Chapter 2

From Chapter One

"You really are in bad shape. Let's get you to bed."

"Yes mother."

"Don't argue with me House. You know it is for the best. I'll be here when you

wake-up."

Cameron got House to bed and settled down to watch some television while he slept.

Fortunately for House, and Cameron too, House slept through the night avoiding more of the withdrawal symptoms. House couldn't have dealt with them physically, as demonstrated by the fact that he cut himself the previous day. Cameron would not have been able to handle seeing someone she loved in so much pain very well either.

_Helping House through withdrawal makes treating our patients look easy! Then again I am not in love with our patients. Damn feelings._

At ten that morning House stumbled into the living room where Cameron was sitting drinking a cup of coffee.

"Making yourself right at home I see? At least there is coffee made."

"Sit down. I will pour you a cup, I know how you take it."

House just nodded and sat down, too exhausted to say anything else.

Fifteen minutes later and properly caffeinated House had the energy to talk to Cameron, with a motive of course.

_I need to know if she meant it when she admitted to loving me. Now I have to proceed cautiously, anything to sudden and she will think it is the withdrawal talking and send me back to bed._

"Cameron, what did we talk about last night? I didn't reveal any embarrassing secrets did I?"

"No, you didn't reveal any embarrassing secrets." Cameron said this with downcast eyes.

_Wish the same could be said for me._

"Good. Now it looks like it can't be said the same for you though. What did you say? That you love me?"

_Damn him! He has been manipulating this entire conversation!_

"Damn you House! You remember exactly what I said! You just want me to say it again to boost your already monstrous ego."

"What ego? I cut myself yesterday, remember? Does that indicate an inflated ego? They really screwed you over during your psych rotation didn't they?"

"Just shut up House."

"What? Have I finally reached your boiling point? It only took three years!"

"Yes, yes you have. You know I love you, for reasons even I don't understand, and you manipulate me using that knowledge. That is low, even for you."

"I have been manipulating you for three years, what makes this any different?"

"Because you did this after I told you I love you, so there is no chance you didn't know it. I can't tell myself, 'Well, maybe he doesn't know,' this time."

_Shit. I screwed up this time. I think I may have actually gone too far. Everyone has a breaking point and I think I may have pushed Cameron passed hers. _

"Cameron, I don't make a habit of doing this so listen closely. I am sorry. You came over here when no one else did, not Wilson or Cuddy, it was you. And I was an ass to you."

"Yeah you were."

"Shut up and listen."

Cameron nodded in compliance.

"I was an ass because you caught me with my pants down, metaphorically of course. It is hell to have the world see me limp down the halls at the hospital everyday but to have an attractive woman see you so messed up is ten times worse, even if the messiness does not seem to drive her away."

"Can I talk now?"

"Yes."

"Alright, good. That is the explanation I have been wanting. Not a 'Had a hooker over last night,' quip like you have given me so many times. That was real."

"Don't get used to it."

"Why not?"

"Well, that was your once in a life time opportunity."

"What if I want others?"

"Maybe we can make up some sort of arrangement. A quid pro quo of sorts."


	3. Chapter 3

From Chapter Two

"Well, that was your once in a life time opportunity."

"What if I want others?"

"Maybe we can make up some sort of arrangement. A quid pro quo of sorts."

"Oh really? And what do I have to give you to get what I want?"

"What I want of course."

"Which would be?"

"You."

"You mean you want screw me so you can humiliate me at work even more so than you did when I slept with Chase."

"No I want you. Yeah, I do want to sleep with you, but that's not it. God Cameron, are you going to make me say it?"

"Is it really that hard for you? To show that you care?"

"For me, yes it is."

"Why?"

"Because my emotional growth was stunted as a child. I don't know. But I do care, more than you know, more than I have ever shown."

"Well, seeing how you have never shown any level of caring that isn't hard to believe."

"Cameron, now is not the time for you to try to impersonate me and my sarcasm."

"Sorry. I am just not used to hearing you talk to me about feelings; it's thrown me for a loop."

"Well get use to it, I plan on telling you that I lo- that I like you, a lot."

_Was he about to say that he loves me? It has to be my imagination. House doesn't love anyone, least of all me._

"House, are you trying to say that you love me?"

"Yes. Maybe. I don't know."

_At least he is being honest._

_Do I love her? I think so. But how can I tell her without sounding soft? _

"You know I don't do the whole mushy thing, but I love you. Okay? That is as mushy as I get."

"That's all I needed to hear. I don't expect Godiva and roses. If I did I wouldn't be with you. I'd be with, well, anyone but you."

"Very true."

_Why does she love me? She is young, and hot as hell, not to mention intelligent._

"Why me Cameron? You could have your pick of any man at the hospital, and I am sure you have had potential suitors from the gym or anywhere else you frequent, so why me? It just doesn't add up."

"Because you do what you think is right, no matter what. And you care about your patients more than anyone I know, even if you won't admit it; you risk your medical license all the time for them. You are passionate, not in a mushy romantic kind of way, but in an 'I have my own beliefs and I stick to them' way. And your eyes, they are damn sexy."

"You like me for my eyes?"

"Have you seen them lately?"

"What do you think I am? A narcissist? That I stand around admiring myself in the mirror all day? I don't think so. The fact that I don't shave on a regular basis should be a clue otherwise."

"True enough. But that doesn't matter. Your eyes are only part of why I like you, I like the whole package."

"Except the sarcastic bastard part."

"You're right, I don't like that part, but I know it isn't going to change I can learn to live with it."


	4. Chapter 4

From Part Three

"Because you do what you think is right, no matter what. And you care about your patients more than anyone I know, even if you won't admit it; you risk your medical license all the time for them. You are passionate, not in a mushy romantic kind of way, but in an 'I have my own beliefs and I stick to them' way. And your eyes, they are damn sexy."

Later

"True enough. But that doesn't matter. Your eyes are only part of why I like you, I like the whole package."

"Except the sarcastic bastard part."

"You're right, I don't like that part, but I know it isn't going to change. I can learn to live with it."

"You really do like me."

"I might be completely insane, but yes, I do."

"No arguments here."

"House…"

"What?"

"You know what."

"Weren't you the one who was just saying you could learn to live with my sarcastic nature?"

"I can, doesn't mean I want to."

"Even if it has rewards?"

"What kind of rewards?"

"This kind."

With that comment House pulled Cameron to him and began his assault. He tasted like scotch and something indefinable. Cameron smelled like roses and tasted like strawberries. They couldn't get enough of each other.

Their hands began to roam over each other bodies without either of them realizing it was happening. One of House's hands was tangled in Cameron's long brown hair and the other was on the small of her back holding her flush against him. Cameron's hands found themselves wound around House's neck keeping him close, though he had no intention of going anywhere. He would have been content to stay for eternity.

The kisses they were exchanging were becoming more and more intense and neither wanted to stop, though eventually they did have to stop to breath. But just seconds later they were kissing again with even more ferocity than before. Cameron's lip gloss was now smeared all over House's mouth and Cameron's lips were swollen from the passion of the kisses they were engaging in.

Neither cared, they were beyond rational thought and were running on pure feeling. Reason had long been abandoned; something House hadn't done in ages.

_Damn, why didn't I do this before?_

Cameron felt out of control, like she was high, but instead on being on drugs, she was on a natural high, the kind you get when you are experiencing something you have dreamed about.

_So this is what it is like to get what you want. If there is something out there to make me believe in God then this might be it. Can't tell House that though, he'd have a field day with that one._

"Oh! Oh God!" Cameron couldn't help herself, the words just came out of her mouth before she could stop them. House's hands had slipped under her shirt without her even realizing and were now massaging her breasts.

_House and I are actually going to do this. Neither of us is manipulating the other and he has dropped his devil-may-care façade. Just enjoy it Allison, just enjoy it._

That's it guys! Thanks to all my reviewers as always! You keep me writing! Love to you all!


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